When so much and so little happens, and you can’t quite remember where it all fits, because you’re still in the cycle, the wheel is still in motion and you’re plastered against the inside wall, hanging onto the spokes and waiting for the moment you’ll jump off and be somewhere entirely different than before.
Thats where I’m at right now.
I spent fifteen days with barely a moments wifi, no shoes, no moto-bike, no tuk-tuk, no “hey lady”! All of this is less intimidating than it sounds, you just smile big, shake your head, keep walking. But dang, it felt REAL to wander the jungle with the soles of my feet, feeling the soul of the earth, have the power off by 11pm and a candle to light my way to bed. Staying so ‘far’ from where I would hang, so every night I would wade through the ocean with the bio-luminescent plankton, crossing five rivers that flow out from the jungle and into Saracen Bay. The same bay, which I’m fairly certain was the crater of a volcano somewhere in time.
Sitting and playing tunes with a groovy German girl, her Sun in Sagittarius and Moon in Pisces, hearing her stories, sharing the journey of our lives, finding all those paralells. It rained like mad for ten days straight, we hadn’t seen blue sky at all, when we looked up and saw the clouds making way for that pretty blue light. The sun showed up for those last three days and had to say goodbye, I told the ocean and all the creatures how I wished I could stay but the time had come and I had to be rambling on.
I came back to the mainland last evening, I shared dinner with a local guy named Thear and his many friends. I checked into a hostel and found a girl I thought I’d never see again, reunited island friends. I met a Scorpio with many helpful servings of Aquarius. He had much to say and some of it rang so true, and then there were moments I wondered if I were hearing a story well rehearsed. Then we lost a camera, suspicion abounds. Did he take it? Can we trust him? Questions asked to me, I asked them in turn. On a rush of impulse I asked him pointedly, did he have the camera? He was hurt, I could see that it hurt him to be accused. He didn’t have the camera. I stood after he was gone and came eye level with the little black rogue that had caused us so much momentary angst. Of course it was here all along, and of course we find it directly after the deeply uncomfortable exchange. A Virgo with Moon in Aquarius, gotta save the day.
Oh and what a lesson for me. Something felt off about this person. He was not wrong, or toxic, or mean-spirited- quite the contrary; a visionary, an intellectual, a champion of social issues, a warrior of light. Yet, being near him I could feel the drain of energy from my solar plexus, some require this in order to communicate. Needing your full attention, needing your light to shine onto them when they speak. For many days I have been meditating on this power that churns in the center of our bodies. How it is connected to others, how another person gets a hold of it and wether or not they know what they are doing. Also, how to keep it while sharing it. Does that make sense? I hope so.
We each have this immense power inside of us, we are it. How do we shine our light, let down our guards, give and receive love freely, without leaving ourselves open to energetic thievery? This is the lesson I am crystallizing now. I do not have the answers yet. I know last night was a major revelation on the wheel of fortune. Boom, something feels off. My body is telling me to move away. After he was gone and the camera was found I was sorry to have hurt him, but I was happy he wasn’t there anymore. God works in mysterious ways, so they say. I knew we had been saved somehow, that the severing was absolutely essential. “I used to be overly diplomatic”, he told me in a roomy booth, and I knew just what he meant. Stand your ground, TRUST YOUR IMPULSES. Ride your instinct like a wolf moving through the forest with a shrewd eye. Love all things, and listen first and foremost to La Que Sab- The One Who Knows. Baby, that’s you.
Initiation is intense, my heart it races. Oh… that’s two Americano’s gone to work in my blood. Time to get moving. Thank you for reading these words, they are for me as they are for you. I love you.