You are very weird. Just so you know.
This was said to me yesterday. I called myself weird first, out of sheer habit. I use it as a term of endearment for my inner child. “Oh Meaghan, you’re so odd” *dramatic eye roll*
The intention was not to be unkind, and I dont feel offense. However, it did get me thinking – am I really very strange? It crystallized for me today; we tend to knock what we haven’t tried. To put it alternatively, we speak the loudest our opinions of things we don’t understand. I have found myself quick to judge the validity of this thing or that thing, and quite staunchly too, when in truth; know little detail and have no personal experience. I believe this is something we do. We fear the unknown.
WE are comfortable with what we know. What we’ve already sniffed out, sized up, chewed the gristle, recognize the taste. Sure, we’re comfortable, as humans we like it that way. But what of our glistening light that never dims? Ah, well that place feels differently about comfort.
Right now, I am uncomfortable.
I am in Cambodia. This is a truly impoverished country, the reality of this is settling in for me slowly and surely. Our world is so big and beautiful, lush and perfect. Surely we have enough for everyone. We must let go of the way its always been done. Cambodian people, Kmher people- they know something. They know that when you have love and you have eachother, but not much else, there is still much to smile about.
I am uncomfortable.
Here, in the first 14 bed dorm I’ve seen, with Seven Scottish Samsons. Bless them for they are young and sweet and there’s 7 of them all around. I am living in a boys dorm. A woman just moved in beside me and I am grateful for the lady vibrations. I feel compelled to share; I was writing the former words and an interaction combusted in the room to pierce and shatter the invisible barriers we hold. Laughter will do that everytime. Thank you Self.
I am uncomfortable with souls who don’t understand who I am, from the matching part of themselves. I am seeking those to vibrate with. I am learning about judgement. Oh how there is judgement. My brain wont shut up about it. I am daring my eyes to see through my heart, through Self. My brain in the battle wages on. I am an analyst, I am Dorothy “according to my research” Anne. If you don’t get the reference, let it go.
Being an analyst, my brain gathers information at jaunty pace. Joyfully scooping tidbits of information from the world around me. An ardent observer of goings on. It is an unconcious and constant occurance. When I crawl inside my head and into the old worn out armchair called old habit, I judge. I over analyze.
I will be true. There are things I know, things I hear and I judge those too. I am learning; not everything needs a name. Some things simply are what they are, and one wont knead out the knots by ruminating on them. I am grateful to observe myself in this way, and I surrendering my judment of that as well.
I am uncomfortable talking mostly about myself, and the dragon rears its head once more; I fear to be judged as self involved. OH AND ITS EGO, ISN’T IT?! The Self doesn’t know of these low levels, it would not think of it because this is opposite to its nature.
The ego watches for judgement.
“Do not move the way that fear makes you move. Move the way love makes you move.” Sigh, how those words melt me.
How did you feel?
When we smile, the smile is returned. When we speak, we are heard and we are answered. When we judge another, we judge ourselves, and they; themselves. Its a circle of bad juju that recycles tension between two beings.
Am I weird or is there something you don’t yet understand? There are people in this world who live on the fringes themselves. I am one, I embrace it.
I love me,
lets move together in harmony.
Coexist, rise above, feel that you are free
We are whole! Infinity.
Goodnight sweet world. You are beautiful and perfect.