AM I WEIRD 

You are very weird. Just so you know. 

This was said to me yesterday. I called myself weird first, out of sheer habit. I use it as a term of endearment for my inner child. “Oh Meaghan, you’re so odd” *dramatic eye roll*

The intention was not to be unkind, and I dont feel offense. However, it did get me thinking – am I really very strange? It crystallized for me today; we tend to knock what we haven’t tried. To put it alternatively, we speak the loudest our opinions of things we don’t understand. I have found myself quick to judge the validity of this thing or that thing, and quite staunchly too, when in truth; know little detail and have no personal experience. I believe this is something we do. We fear the unknown. 

WE are comfortable with what we know. What we’ve already sniffed out, sized up, chewed the gristle, recognize the taste. Sure, we’re comfortable, as humans we like it that way. But what of our glistening light that never dims? Ah, well that place feels differently about comfort. 

Right now, I am uncomfortable. 

I am in Cambodia. This is a truly impoverished country, the reality of this is settling in for me slowly and surely. Our world is so big and beautiful, lush and perfect. Surely we have enough for everyone. We must let go of the way its always been done. Cambodian people, Kmher people- they know something. They know that when you have love and you have eachother, but not much else, there is still much to smile about. 

I am uncomfortable. 

Here, in the first 14 bed dorm I’ve seen, with Seven Scottish Samsons. Bless them for they are young and sweet and there’s 7 of them all around. I am living in a boys dorm. A woman just moved in beside me and I am grateful for the lady vibrations. I feel compelled to share; I was writing the former words and an interaction combusted in the room to pierce and shatter the invisible barriers we hold. Laughter will do that everytime. Thank you Self. 

I am uncomfortable with souls who don’t understand who I am, from the matching part of themselves. I am seeking those to vibrate with. I am learning about judgement. Oh how there is judgement. My brain wont shut up about it. I am daring my eyes to see through my heart, through Self. My brain in the battle wages on. I am an analyst, I am Dorothy “according to my research” Anne. If you don’t get the reference, let it go. 

Being an analyst, my brain gathers information at jaunty pace. Joyfully scooping tidbits of information from the world around me. An ardent observer of goings on. It is an unconcious and constant occurance. When I crawl inside my head and into the old worn out armchair called old habit, I judge. I over analyze. 

I will be true. There are things I know, things I hear and I judge those too. I am learning; not everything needs a name. Some things simply are what they are, and one wont knead out the knots by ruminating on them. I am  grateful to observe myself in this way, and I surrendering my judment of that as well. 

I am uncomfortable talking mostly about myself, and the dragon rears its head once more; I fear to be judged as self involved. OH AND ITS EGO, ISN’T IT?! The Self doesn’t know of these low levels, it would not think of it because this is opposite to its nature. 

The ego watches for judgement. 

“Do not move the way that fear makes you move. Move the way love makes you move.” Sigh, how those words melt me. 

How did you feel? 

When we smile, the smile is returned. When we speak, we are heard and we are answered. When we judge another, we judge ourselves, and they; themselves. Its a circle of bad juju that recycles tension between two beings. 

Am I weird or is there something you don’t yet understand? There are people in this world who live on the fringes  themselves. I am one, I embrace it. 

  
I love you, 

I love me, 

lets move together in harmony. 

Coexist, rise above, feel that you are free 

We are whole! Infinity. 

Goodnight sweet world. You are beautiful and perfect. 

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2 thoughts on “AM I WEIRD 

  1. Are you weird? Well let me share my feelings on this.
    Weird by definition is:
    Old English wyrd ‘destiny’, of Germanic origin. The adjective ( late Middle English) originally meant
    ‘having the power to control destiny’, and was used especially in the Weird Sisters, originally referring to the Fates, later the witches in Shakespeare’s Macbeth; the latter use gave rise to the sense ‘unearthly’ (early 19th century).
    More

    To the Anglo-Saxons weird was a noun, spelled wyrd and meaning ‘fate, destiny’. The Weirds were the Fates, the three Greek goddesses who presided over the birth and life of humans. The adjective originally meant ‘having the power to control destiny’, and was used especially from the Middle Ages in the Weird Sisters, for the Fates, and later also the witches in Shakespeare’s Macbeth. The modern use, ‘very strange, bizarre’, as in weird and wonderful, dates from the early 19th century.

    A more modern approach to describing weird is:
    Generally used to refer to the avant-garde sort, they who prefer customs or practices which are not too common in the general or normal population. Has often been misused to denote free thinkers and philosophers, who are in fact superior to the normal people.
    Hey, fool, why you reading the Bible, that’s so damn weird!

    reply: Just because I have an IQ of 196 sir does not make me weird. I may read the Bible whether or not you want me to.

    Clearly the person that said this to you is not a very forward thinker, and perhaps is living within a very stilted mind/world. Watching the world around you and the deep awareness your have for those and everything around you is a gift! Choosing to see and believe that the world can live in harmony and only through loves eyes is a wonderful notion but perhaps a lofty one. Does that mean that your hopes, dreams and abundant love be hidden or placed on a back burner? NO absolutely not. Are times perhaps opened mindedness be kept to yourself? Perhaps.

    The greatest minds in history were “weird”, a gift reserved for few. But were they weird? Only in the minds of those that did not have the capacity to understand. So there ya go. The opinion according to a very biased mom. But I do have it on very good authority as far back as your infancy that you were a Very Special Child! This has followed you throughout your young years and I know will follow you all your life.

    I Love You,
    Your family loves you,
    And I want you to love yourself.

    xoxo Mom

  2. Meaghan you are in the middle of a wonderful adventure . Enjoy every moment because you will never experience this again, only in memories. I think back 20 years ago; people thought i was weird for taking my adventure of a life time.Please keep positive, and remember the special person you are is shining brightly. I love you very and so proud of you. Gram. xoxoxo

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